Posts tagged personal stuff
Posts tagged personal stuff
I’m on the alternate list.
This means they’ll contact me in six months to see if I’m still interested in the job, and then I have a chance of getting into their winter class.
I didn’t realize how much I’d been relying on getting that job until I suddenly didn’t have it. I didn’t realize how…
Oh Kat. :( This is so, so saddening. I don’t even really know what to say, but my heart hurts for you to be in this situation.
I don’t know what job(s) you are currently working, but if you are this miserable is there *any* alternative while you wait to see if you can get into the 911 operator training class?
Can you apply for a job somewhere like a bookstore or pet shop or something like that? I know that’s not your field of study and they probably pay minimum wage, but maybe it would be something that didn’t leave you feeling completely miserable?
I really hope you can find some alternative that will help you feel better - more rested, not bored out of your mind - something.
I don’t know if any of this will help at all, but I wish you the best. If I can do anything to help please ask.
The main problem right now is that the jobs I have are fairly well-paying, for part-time work. One is $9.50/hr, and the other is $15/hr. Believe you me, I have done the math, and there is no way I can live on less than that. I can’t really even live on that, either, but what it means is that I can’t do minimum-wage, even if I somehow found a full-time minimum wage thing somewhere. I wouldn’t be able to afford being alive.
I’m kinda considering some other possible part-time positions that might theoretically pay more, like this traveling swim school thing I found or possibly waitressing, which I’ve heard can make good money. There’s also this huge horrible Gordian knot of emotions and exploitation surrounding the nanny job that I am not willing to get into on this particular post, but suffice it to say that it would be very difficult to quit that job right now, and not just because it’s the higher-paying one.
Agh. Mostly, I’m just depressed and tired of being so fucking poor. Seeing the possible light at the end wink out just made the tunnel a lot darker, even though I was fine with it before, that sort of thing. I’ll get through, but ranting online makes me feel better about stuff.
(P.S. Also hugs for KidK and Basty. Thanks, guys.)
After extensive phoning, I have learned the following:
-Greta went to San Francisco yesterday for her big important chef-for-rich-people internship
-Ellie is due to graduate next Saturday, and is going straight into vet school
-Heidi is bad at making plans and then communicating those plans to people who are involved in those plans
-I have no idea what’s going on with Hanna, but she’s totally up for me visiting her in New York whenever
-Wisconsin is like 100% snow and Mom and Dad almost got snowed in from work and the only car that worked in the snow was, ironically, the teensy one and not the huge snowcrusher one
-There may be family roads trips in the future maybe??? I’m trying to convince everybody to come to Assateague Island because I know everybody would love that and Ellie might actually go into hysterics about that.
-Zach is doing awesome audio soundboard music something technical things in Madison.
-AJ has vestibular migraines and can’t have bacon or chocolate and that makes me sad
-Emmy cut her hair crazy short, and it looks good
-I cannot tell the difference between Emmy and Carrie on the phone.
-Jim used to be a 911 operator for a bit! And he would totally do the forensic scientist thing I’m looking at too! Seriously, I am the genderswap of my birthdad.
-I need to be on Facebook more, because I am a hard person to stalk. I am an internet ghost. An enigma of the digital age. I told them I had a Tumblr, but all they would learn there was that I’m really into Sherlock.
-Carrie is as crazy about Sherlock (*cough*andhisactor*cough*) as I am and Ann said she is considering packing us both off to England because neither of us have any luck with boyfriends.
-There are now two pianos in the birthfamhouse and I think they should play Dueling Pianos.
So there’s a guy I work with at the YMCA swimming teacher job, let’s call him Brent. He’s another teacher and he lifeguards when he’s not teaching, and we get along. So I was teaching this class of hyperactive four-year-olds and being a big goofball and we were at the end of class and playing a jumping game that involved who could splash the teacher (me) the most when they jumped in, and Brent was in the lifeguard chair right next to us. He kept on glancing at us and looking concerned, but I couldn’t see anything bad going on so I didn’t pay it any mind.
As soon as the kids all went back to their parents, he came down and whispered to me, with this really super-concerned look on his face, that one of the little four-year-old girls in a tankini had the top of the tankini slip a few times while she was jumping and “it showed her…um…..you know… (insert awkward chest-oriented gestures here).”
I stared blankly. Um….yeah? So what? She’s four. Four year old girls have nipples, too.
And Brent was really really concerned about this! He’s worried about what the parents will think! Girl nipples should never be seen under any circumstances! You can’t let little girls do that!
And it seriously took everything I had to just not completely lose my shit right there. She’s FOUR. A FOUR YEAR OLD. She is a prepubescent human being whose upper body is COMPLETELY IDENTICAL to the upper bodies of all those little four year old boys wearing nothing but swim trunks right next to her. SHE. IS. A. FOUR. YEAR. OLD. Saying a four-year-old needs to stop splashing around to prevent an accidental four-year-old nip slip is sexualizing that four year old, it is saying that her prepubescent preschool nipples are sexually alluring and will lead to dirty thoughts in onlookers and should be covered.
Do you know many four year olds? Because I know a lot of four year olds. Do you know how much time four year olds would spend completely naked if given the chance? It is approximately 100% of the time. It is not because they are sexy. It is because they are FOUR.
I am not trying to say “let’s strip all the kids naked.” I am trying to say that they are kids, and forcing sexualized social norms on prepubescent children is both inappropriate and incredibly disturbing. I have seen preschool girls swimming in the YMCA pool in their brother’s swim trunks and nothing else and never thought to bat an eyelash at it until Brent here with his “but I’m just thinking about the children!” concern made me want to punch every person responsible for forcing adult ideals of sexualization on children in the face repeatedly.
I passed the exam.
I passed it. My rank on the eligible list is 12. I passed it. After the whole thing with the…that. The stuff. What.
I can’t- I mean, I. What.
I’m laughing a lot. I think I’m in shock. What.
I can just feel that this person is a dedicated artist.
It’s so fucking beautiful and if you think it looks like a “mess” then…open your eyes.
Jesus fucking holy wow
THIS IS A TATTOO!? TATTOOS CAN LOOK LIKE THIS?!!
UPDATE: THIS IS FROM A TATTOO PARLOR IN FRANCE. NOW I NEED TO FIND A WAY TO GET TO FRANCE.
Basically it’s like being Jekyll and Hyde in the same body, only you are almost never actually aware of when you’re Jekyll and when you’re Hyde.
Alternatively, it’s like sharing your body with an incredibly embarrassing roommate that constantly makes you do and say stuff you would never say and do. (except you did, because the roommate is also you)
I’m currently in a depressive episode and when I’m in a depressive episode I get chatty, because I’ve found that writing about what I’m feeling is incredibly cathartic and I (usually) feel better afterwards.
I have ultradian bipolar disorder. It’s also called ultra-ultra-rapid-cycling, which sounds a lot more badass. This is what it’s like.
consider me turned on.
-points- I wanna do that.
Holy crap I want to be all these guys.
True story: When I took bellydancing lessons, the teacher told me that I was moving with too much power and emphasis, and that what I was doing looked more like male bellydancing. And I was all “Whoa you mean there’s male bellydancing? WHERE DO I SIGN UP CAN YOU TEACH ME SOME?!” And she was all “No. That’s for men. You have to be more graceful and flowing and feminine.” And then I quit bellydancing lessons after that.
Amazing video about bullying. You are not alone.
you should’ve warned me it would make me cry. i don’t cry.
i learned not to.
in around 4th grade.
because it only makes them laugh louder.
To this day I can’t let myself cry in front of other people, because I learned at home that crying is disgusting and feeling sorry for yourself, and I learned at school that crying tells the sharks that there’s blood in the water.
To this day I ridicule myself as quickly as I can when meeting new people, because I know they’re going to laugh at me sooner or later, and it hurts less if I do it first.